


The Cards We're Dealt

by ImaLittleInsane



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Tragedy, Awkward Sexual Situations, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Drama, Drug Addiction, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Eventual Shepard/Garrus Vakarian, F/M, Family Fluff, Family Issues, Fluff, Friends With Benefits To Lovers, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Language Barrier, Minor Relationships, Muteness, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rape/Non-con Elements, Recreational Drug Use, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Sexual Tension, Shyness, Sign Language, Slice of Life, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Strangers to Friends, Trust Issues, hurians, temporary relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:48:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29812818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImaLittleInsane/pseuds/ImaLittleInsane
Summary: From failed relationships, painful pasts, and regret to random encounters, learning new languages, and getting to know each other. Garrus and Shyan deal with the cards life dealt them, good and bad, by living their lives and making the most of what they have while growing through the years.
Relationships: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	1. Disappointment

**Author's Note:**

> Ever heard of 'Kimi ni Todoke' or 'Oshiete! Galko-chan' or even 'High Score Girl'? No? Well, I have, and they are amazing animes that you all should check out. Anyway, after finishing 'Can't go back' I thought of this gem and I am excited to create this because this is my first try at an actual slow-burn. This is gonna be a long ride people, scrap in if you are interested! Expect anime moments since this is highly inspired by it.
> 
>  **Important Info:** I did my best to keep characters with the same traits as their video game counterparts, but if they feel OOC, I'm sorry. There will also be some mix between modern and futuristic when it comes to names (Such as trains, I don't know what to call a futuristic train, I know, wild).
> 
> Last thing, Garrus and Femshep will be in relationships with other people such as OCs, and canon characters, but the endgame is Garrus and Femshep. Since it's a slow burn that features other relationships this means yes, there will be sex with those temporary relationship characters. Feel free to skip or read those smut scenes.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have to deal with what is given to you, the good and the bad. Choose between the choices that are presented with the thought that it's _this_ one that works and _not_ the other

Garrus dashes around the corner with heavy gasps as bullets fire at him. With a glare, he turns around and starts shooting at his assailants with anger. They duck undercover, allowing him to rush ahead.

He knew when he woke up today there would be a huge problem for him. It pisses him off that he let his guard down, and didn’t notice the betrayal. Time and time again, he would always keep his guard up, knowing when to let it down around people he trusts. He trusted, he befriended, and he gave his loyalty to his friends.

Doesn’t change the fact that he was betrayed.

“Fuck!” He dashes into an abandoned building with a gasp.

Looking down, he sees the bleeding from his side, and suddenly, there is a lot of pain shooting into his system. After all his training in the turian military, he should have been mindful and not allow the shot to hit.

He could hear the shouting and footwork of his pursuers. Not wanting to give them an easy kill, he limp-run his way through the building. Judging from the architect it was a building that humans had built long before, but now it’s deteriorating.

Turning a corner, he hears music. There are no lyrics to the music, just a sound; a beat that makes him feel sad as if the person playing the beat is telling him their feelings. His mind forgets what is happening to him and he follows the sound.

Walking inside the room, he sees a girl who is using a transparent launchpad making music out of the sounds from it. She has brown skin with black and red curly hair. When she hears him enter, she looks up, and he notices the two different eye colors.

Red and brown.

She looks at him in fear before looking at his wound he forgotten about. With a gasp, she stands up, while taking out her omni-tool, and starts typing.

“I-”

A gunshot cuts him off, ringing in the distance, and he spins around with his gun, shooting at the person who hides behind cover. There is a thump, and he turns around to see her bleeding while clutching her side.

“Fuck!” He shouts.

Scooping her up, he starts to run, breaking the orb that her launchpad came from in the process. Looking down, he notices that she is hyperventilating in fear while taking sharp intakes, holding her side while tears run down her eyes most likely from the pain, or the thought of death.

The sounds she is making are odd, as if she’s trying to scream, but can’t. It reminded him of one of his friends breathing heavily because moving his larger body was exhausting.

Rushing out the door, he groans in pain from his own gunshot wound but keeps pushing on. It’s his fault she was shot. What makes it worse is seeing how young she looks.

“Fuck, you’re just a kid!”

He growls, seeing her slowly succumbing to her wound.

“Don’t you fucking die on me!” He glares, pushing forward.

His body feels like giving out at this point, but he has to keep pushing, he has to save her. If there is anything he should be doing right now, is trying to save her. She didn’t ask to be in this condition; she didn’t ask to be interrupted.

“I’m so sorry.” He pants, “I’m so sorry.”

Going to the hospital would be the end of his freedom since he has a warrant to arrest him, but if he doesn’t go.

She is going to die.

Reaching the hospital, he rushes inside, and immediately, the nurses are taking her from his arms. He gasps, clutching his side as he watches them get her on the bed, ready to take her away. He turns to run before they could catch him.

“Wait! You’re bleeding as well.”

He pushes her away, “Get-get away from me. I’m fine.”

Limping towards the door, he could already feel another bigger nurse getting ready to take him, and he tries to fight back, but instead, collapses on the ground. The last thing he sees is the girl being taken away.

Waking up, he could already feel the cuffs on his hand, and he groans, feeling like death. Turning his head, he sees an officer outside his door, and he knows this is the end of his freedom for a long time.

The door opens up after a few mins.

“I see you are awake.” The turian officer said. “Garrus Vakarian, you are under arrest-”

Garrus looks him in the eyes, “Is she alive?” He asks, cutting him off.

“The girl you brought in?”

He nods.

“Yes.”

Garrus leans back, “Good.”

The officer proceeds to state his rights, and the reason why he’s getting arrested, but he wasn’t listening.

The music she played was nice, something he needed after the deaths he had to witness because of the betrayal. It didn’t last long, but it touched his heart, and he wishes he could hear it again.

After his recovery, he is given a court date and sits before the judge as he is sentenced. Behind him are his parents and little sister as they watch on. He could feel his father’s anger and his mother’s disappointment. As for his little sister, Solana, she must be confused, and sad this is happening to her older brother.

It's has been two and a half years since he left his old life, and he misses her.

Solana was someone he was supposed to protect and love against everyone and everything. Yet, here he is going to prison because of his selfish act of rebelling against his father. It’s just hard sometimes when it comes to his father because all his father wants is to control his life. After his mandatory military years, he wanted to do more in the galaxy, but his father wanted him to join him in C-Sec.

“No, dad. I don’t want to.” Garrus glared.

Castis crossed his arms, “So what are you going to do with your life? You think I will have you in my home soaking up my resources?”

“I just want to do things my way. I want to create my own life not live under your shadow working in C-Sec.”

“Then leave.”

“Castis.” His mother, Sonya, said.

His father glared, “No, since he wants to create his own life and do it his way. He can get out of my house, and do just that.”

Garrus glared, “I will.”

“Garrus wait.”

He brushed past his mother and walked upstairs grabbing a few things.

“Once you leave Garrus, you’re not allowed to come back here!” His father yelled.

Garrus walked downstairs, avoiding his apparent gaze, and pushed past his father with as much disrespect and force as possible.

“Don’t worry; I don’t ever want to come back here.” He growled and left.

“Garrus Vakarian, you will be sentenced to prison for eight years with possible parole.” The judge hits his gavel, and the officer starts to take him away.

He could hear the sounds of his mother as she watches her older son be taken away, and he feels bad for her.

If only he wasn’t so stupid.

As they lead him away, he turns to see his mother holding a sad Solana while his dad wouldn’t even look at him. His eyes met with his mother, and he tells her he’s sorry.

***

The first day of prison is rough.

“Here’s the fresh meat!” One of the assholes calls out as they all gang up on him.

He tries to fight back, but one person against this many.

Not going to happen.

As they kick and punch him, putting forth their dominance against a lone turian such as himself, he endures the pain from it. Maybe this is what he deserves after what happened. In time, he will get stronger and beat the living shit out of all of them.

That he promises himself.

As time seems to go slowly by, he starts to work out more, and he even starts to draw, something he does in his past time. Besides that, he would work in the machine shop, sometimes helping to calibrate things. Not wanting to deal with other people, he forces himself to stay alone. After everything he’s gone through, it hardens his approach to life itself.

Isolation.

Loneliness.

Annoyingly, it makes him a target, and he knows this, but he still keeps to himself. The same people who beat him up on the first day seem to have it out for him because of this very thing. Still, he doesn’t make friends or join any gangs. His life taught him not to trust a single fucking soul, and yes, he could use someone, but he rather not deal with the drama of it all.

But eight years of this?

Maybe he will break, or not.

Who knows?

A few months in, and once again, these fuckers have forced him into isolation away from the officers who clearly don’t give a shit when something like this happens.

“You know why I don’t like you.”

Garrus sighs, “Because I’m a turian, and you’re too scared to fight me by yourself.” He wipes away some blue blood.

The human glares “Don’t you fucking think you’re some hot shit.”

“I don’t, but clearly I am, seeing how you and the rest of your sex buddies are obsessed with me.” He chuckles darkly, “Just know, I prefer women. Hell, maybe I’ll finally try human just to piss. you. off.”

He gets a punch to the face, and he flies back onto the floor with a huff. When he tries to stand up, he’s kicked down, and of course, there are more kicks. Pain runs through his body as they continue to beat the shit out of him.

"Want a taste of human? I'll give you a taste of human." 

Garrus could feel them pulling at his pants, but he fights, trying to stop them to the best of his ability. There is a sense of fear when they get him on his stomach, and he readies himself for the pain, hoping it will be over quickly. Until he hears a crack, then everything seems to stop.

“Get away from him.”

A deep voice said, and Garrus turns to see an older human with grey and black hair standing there as the other humans cower in fear.

“Fuck!” The guy, who he was talking to, screams, but gets a punch in the face, and the older man shoves a sock in his mouth.

“Shut the fuck up.” He calmly states. “I want all of you to get out, now. Speak of this to any guards, and I will fuck you over.” He glares, and the others grab the injured guy, leaving promptly.

Garrus lays there, breathing heavily, shaking from the pain running through his body, the thoughts of what could have happened, and wondering when this hell will end. A part of him feels ashamed at being weak and blames himself for everything. He should have been stronger, he should have...should have not put himself in this hell in the first place.

The old man crosses his arms and looks down at him. “Never thought I would see a turian so damn weak.”

Garrus coughs, “Fuck you.”

The old man kicks him, and he groans in pain, wanting to scream.

“Get up.” The man commands.

Garrus closes his eyes and tries not to think anymore because the pain is really getting to him now. He wants to pass out, and stop thinking about everything.

Another kick and Garrus turns over to his side.

“I said, get up.”

The door opens, and he hears another person, but this one has an accent in his voice. Clearly, he’s human but must have been born somewhere else.

“Damn, he still on the floor?”

“We need to get him to the infirmary, Zaeed.”

The accent person, Zaeed, chuckles, “Feeling sorry for him now, John.”

“You can say that.”

Garrus opens his eyes as the old guy, John, grabs him by the fringe and looks him in the eyes. There is a staring showdown between the two, and Garrus feel intimidated by him.

“Listen to me.” He glares, “The weak will die here, so get the fuck up, and let’s take you to the infirmary.” He drops him after.

Garrus inhales, and without another painful thought, pushes himself to sit up. He leans against the wall, breathing heavily from his wounds, and he looks up to see John completely.

John is an old human with grey and black hair. Standing at six feet, he has a presence of a commander, someone who people shouldn’t fuck with. His eyes are deep blue, and he has a large scar on his face.

John gives him his hand, and Garrus takes it. With a groan, John uses his body, helping Garrus as they begin their journey towards the infirmary.

“You have perseverance. I’ll give you that.” John said.

Garrus huffs, wanting to say something, but he spits up blood, feeling his throat clogging up with it.

“If he dies. I say leave him.” Zaeed said, and Garrus turns slightly to see the other older human with his own set of scars and even a false eye.

“Maybe.”

“You’re too goddamn nice sometimes.”

They got to the infirmary, and the salarian doctor inside the room promptly lays Garrus on the bed. He groans as the doctor gave him drugs to relax and sleep since they need to repair his body.

“Why save him anyway?” Zaeed asks as Garrus's vision blurs.

“I owe him,” John whispers, as Garrus goes under.

Wondering what he means by that.

***

Three years pass after meeting the two older humans, and since then they would watch over him. As much as he told them he’s fine, and he wants to be alone. They wouldn’t leave him alone for too long, but they did respect that he didn’t want to talk at least.

During times of reflection, they will speak of war stories and what they have been through, but they never state why they were in prison.

“I remember the first time I saved a few people,” John states, playing cards with Zaeed.

“This story again, John.” Zaeed chuckles, “You trying to impress the turian?”

Garrus wasn’t even trying to listen to them. He just wants to read in peace. If anything he sat here just to do that very thing, but they decided to join him, much to his annoyance. There is still that question he wants to ask John, but not wanting to either talk to them or get too close, he doesn’t ask it.

“It was during a batarian raid.” John starts, “Killed a few batarians.” He shrugs, “Risked a few of men lives, but I saved some people too.”

“Yeah, okay.” Zaeed places his cards down, “I win.”

John places his cards down, and Zaeed stands up angrily.

“Bullshit!”

John grins, “I don’t think so.” He looks over at Garrus. “You know how to play Blackjack?”

Garrus didn’t look at him; instead, he continues to read his book not wanting to deal with the humans. John chuckles and starts to shuffle the cards.

“So, to win the game you have to get as close to 21 as possible, without going over 21.” He starts.

Garrus narrows his eyes at his book, not wanting to give him attention.

John smirks, “We like to set bets here, Vakarian. So don’t be a pussy about it.”

As he continues with the rules, Garrus listens intently, because for some reason it… interests him. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was feeling a little lonely and wants to play a game of this ‘Blackjack’ John calls it.

“Ready?” John asks with a smile, and Garrus sighs, putting his book down.

“Ready.”

John deals the cards, looking back and forth from card to him. They play one round, and Garrus loses. With determination, he asks to go again, and they go again.

He loses.

John chuckles at Garrus’s frustrations.

“Again.” He said, glaring at him.

John grins, “You think I’m cheating, don’t you?” He asks, shuffling the cards.

Garrus didn’t say anything, already planning his strategy.

“You ever heard of the game ‘Cards of life’, Garrus?”

Garrus grunts, and didn’t look at him, just wants to focus the cards incase he’s cheating.

“Well, it’s not really a game, more of something you are taught as you play.” He chuckles, dealing the cards. “The day we are born there are cards already drawn for us and as we age we're given choices.”

Garrus picks up the cards and begins to play. Waiting for John to play first. With a smirk, John plays his card.

“Once those cards are given to the person, they alone must decide which card they will play in order to win the game.”

Garrus tries to ignore him, playing his own card.

“You have to deal with what is given to you, the good and the bad. Choose between the choices that are presented with the thought that it's _this_ one that works and _not_ the other.”

Their eyes meet, and Garrus looks away quickly.

“Life can be complete shite,” Zaeed chuckles, crossing his arms. “Or a goddamn cruise. Like that one we took the kids on when they were only seven.”

John chuckles, playing his card, “There are no guarantees, of course, but, there is always a chance at playing bad card after bad card. Over, and over.”

Garrus plays his cards, glaring at the damn things. Of course, he gets a bad hand.

“Until one day, you get a good card, winning the game.” John plays his card, going over twenty-one, “Damn,” He chuckles. "Here I thought I was being philosophical and shit, thinking I'll win the game." 

Zaeed laughs, "You goddamn idiot." 

"Easy there, Massani, I might just kick your ass." John glares. 

"I like to see you goddamn try, Shepard." He glares back.

As the two bickers, Garrus stares at his cards.

_Twenty-one...I won._

Two more years pass by, and Garrus feels himself really liking John and Zaeed, surprisingly. Still, he doesn’t want to get too close or attached, because he knows what that means when someone gets too close to him.

Either they betray him.

Or he disappoints them.

Therefore, he keeps his distance.

He made it a point only to know them by their names, and nothing else, but for some reason, they found out about him. He didn’t like that they know so much about him and his family, even down to the point of his dealings as Archangel.

They did not judge him on what he and his crew used to do. If anything John said, he was proud that he wasn’t like any other gang out there, who likes to intimidate and hurt others.

It made him feel happy that someone appreciates what he tried to do. That doesn’t mean he’s some innocent person. He has killed before in the name of justice, he captured, and even beat the shit out of other gang members before in the name of justice.

Something his father would disapprove of.

“You’re getting out early for good behavior.” His lawyer tells him.

“What?” He looks in surprise.

His lawyer nods, “You should be grateful, Garrus. Take this opportunity to turn around your life of crime.” He puts away his omni-tool, “Maybe talk to your parents eventually?”

Their eyes met, and Garrus sighs.

“Thanks for telling me this. When do I leave?”

“In a week.”

After that meeting, he goes to his cell and sits there thinking of what his lawyer said. Talking to his parents wouldn’t be possible since he axed them from his life. It was during the first year of his prison sentence.

“Garrus.” His mother said, taking hold of his hand, “Why?”

He sighed, “Mom.”

“Why did you let this happen? Why couldn’t you just find an honest job?” Her mandibles twitched in question, and Garrus rubbed his fringe.

“I tried, okay. It wasn’t easy when you get shitty corporate assholes trying to steal money from the poor.” He glared, “Then you have these gangs around causing problems to innocent people. I needed to help.”

“You could have been an officer with your father then.”

He rolled his eyes, “That would require me to move to the Citadel, and leave the terminus system where this problem is happening.”

“Garrus.”

“I didn’t want to see him either.” He sighed, looking down, “I wanted to do good, but all that led to is this.” He pulled his hand away from her.

“We miss you, Garrus.”

He looked at her.

“Solana miss you.” She whispered.

He looked away, “I’m sorry, mom. I never meant for this to happen.” His eyes harden, “Although, I don’t regret helping people who desperately needed it.”

“And you shouldn’t, but there is always a better way.”

He sighed, “Doesn’t matter now, does it?” He looked at her, “I’m in this shit hole for years now. All because I let my guard down and got betrayed.”

They are quiet, and Garrus couldn’t stop thinking of his little sister.

“Where is she?”

Sonya sighed, “You’re father…didn’t want her to see you like this.” She whispered.

Garrus glared and stood up angrily. His mother looked at him with shock as his eyes screamed of hurt and pain. He goes to shout, but from the corner of his eyes, he saw a few guards looking at him, and one ready to shoot if necessary.

He swallowed, “I deserve to see my sister.”

“Garrus.”

“I deserve to see my sister.” He glared.

“You know Sol looks up to you more than anyone in her life. He’s just worried-”

He clutched his hand, “What? That I would influence her to be like me? That I’m going to influence her into a life of crime?” He clutched his jaw.

“You have to understand, Garrus.”

“No, what I understand is that he’s keeping me away from my little sister.” He punched the table, “He’s clearly trying to hurt me!”

“Inmate!” The guard shouted.

Sonya glared at him, “He’s not trying to hurt you, Garrus. He’s trying to protect Sol!” She stood, “What do you think is happening now? She barely talks after you left two years ago! Now you are here, and she is hurting because of you!”

“I never wanted to hurt her!”

“Doesn’t matter, because you did!” She screamed angrily.

Everyone watched in surprise, and some guards make their way toward Garrus. As he’s getting dragged away, he watched his mother’s face turn sour.

“I’m disappointed in you, Garrus.” She looked him in the eyes, “We all are.”

***

It's the last day, he's finally going to be free from this place, and Garrus feels happy, sort of, about it. There is a pat on his back as he looks over to see John smiling at him.

“So, last day, huh?”

Garrus nods.

“You still hate talking.” He looks into Garrus’ eyes, “I have a daughter who’s pretty quiet as well.”

Garrus felt like he’s trying to tell him something through his eyes, but he just doesn’t understand, and John can see that.

“Sometimes you need to talk, or people would walk all over you.”

Garrus looks away, “Talking doesn’t stop that.”

He chuckles, “No, but it gets people to understand not to fuck with you.” He leans back, “You should know how that works.”

Garrus looks away from him and picks up a book from under his bed. How John manages to get them a cell together, he doesn’t know, nor does he ask.

“Zaeed is going to miss you, kid.” He chuckles, “Don’t tell him I told you that.”

Garrus grunts.

“When you are out there, make sure not to ever fucking come back in here.” John glares, “You understand?”

Garrus looks at him and sighs. John glares and grabs him by the collar.

“I said do you understand?”

“Yes.” Garrus glares, not happy at John pulling him like that.

John grins, “Good." He let go of shirt collar, brushing him off a little, "Now then.” He grabs something, “This is for you when you are out there.”

Garrus takes the item and stares at it.

“Finished making it in shop the other day.” John chuckles, “Found out the symbol used by you and your former gang for Archangel.”

Garrus holds the dog tag tightly and looks over at John who has his eyes closed as if thinking about something.

“Thanks.” He whispers.

John opens his eyes and gives him a small smile.

“You’re welcome, Garrus.”

Garrus looks at him in shock from hearing him call him his first name. John always called him Vakarian along with Zaeed.

“You need to learn how to trust people again, and I hope I helped you.” He frowns, “I heard what happened with your former gang, and I’m sorry that you were betrayed.”

Garrus looks down, thinking about Sidonis, and the things he wants to do to him.

“Whatever you are thinking, don’t do it.”

Garrus looks at him.

“I know what revenge looks like, and I know what you want to do.” John’s eyes harden, “Why do you think me and Zaeed are in this shithole for years while our daughters grow out there?”

Garrus swallows.

“You got a taste of this place, don’t get addicted. As I said before.”

He stands up and grabs Garrus’s shoulder. Garrus looks him in the eyes, feeling a weight of his anger lift.

“Don’t come back to this place. Find yourself some damn peace, and let bygones be bygones.”

Garrus’s face fills with anger at this man trying to teach him life lessons. Lessons he doesn’t want nor does he fucking need. He is going to find Sidonis, and kill him for what he did. All eleven of his people are dead because of him!

They deserve justice!

He deserves to die!

“Garrus.”

He looks at John angry, before whimpering, and crying at the loss of his friends. He's been holding onto this pain for five years now, and it's just all coming out after finally learning he's going to be free. Free into a world where he lost his people.

Where he lost his family.

“I know it hurts, but you need to let it go, and move on.”

John sits there, as Garrus continues to cries, and whimpers in their cell. He feels so much anger and sadness.

But John is right.

It’s time to let it go.

Let them go.

"So strange," John whispers looking at him. 

Garrus looks at him weirdly, taking a deep breath.

"There are no tears, but I know you are crying." He laughs, "Turians are strange." He laughs louder, and Garrus can tell he's trying to make him feel better. 

So, he laughs too.

John leaves to grab something while he finishes up packing. He hears someone stepping inside the cell, and he turns to see Zaeed, crossing his arms.

“Here.” He slips him a paper, “It’s going to be hard out there finding work, and I know a few people that wouldn’t mind having a big arse turian around.”

Garrus sighs, “I’m not going to join a gang.” He said, remembering what John said.

Zaeed chuckles, “I’m not giving you to any goddamn gangs. I agree with John that you don’t need that shit in your life.” He frowns, “I’m losing years of my life here away from my only daughter because of ‘gang life’. It’s not worth it.”

Garrus looks at him, “Why…are you both here?” He finally asks.

Zaeed smirks, “You now are asking after all these years?”

Garrus shrugs.

“When we get out of here, and we find you again. We promise to tell you the whole story.”

Garrus chuckles lightly, “You sure old age won’t claim you both?”

Zaeed laughs, “Hopefully not!” He leans forward, “I can already see that John is becoming senile.”

“Hey!” John appears, “I heard that, and it was only one time where I was dreaming of my wife.”

He looks at Garrus who is in civilian clothes and has a bag.

“You ready, Vakarian?”

Garrus nods, “yeah.”

“Good.”

Zaeed and John move out of the way for him to walk towards the officer.

“Remember what I said.”

Garrus looks back at him.

“Don’t ever come back here.” He smiles, “And let people in, Vakarian. It’s not going to hurt you, as much as you think it will trust me. Sometimes it’s okay to risk getting hurt.”

Garrus nods, “I’ll think about it.”

As the guard leads him out, Garrus continues to remember what he learned, but still is skeptical at opening up to others. He wants to move on, but he wants to keep to himself. It’s exhausting forming relationships when all he does is disappoint and lose the people around him. Who needs anyone when being alone gives peace of mind without the drama of having people around?


	2. Musical Artist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are no lyrics, but I can hear every word

Waking up, Shyan notices how dark everything is but didn’t think much about it. Everything feels heavy, and she struggles to sit up from her bed to leave her room. After some more struggling, she finally gets out of bed, feeling even more weight. It wasn’t until she finally made it to the door that she ‘wakes up’ again.

Instantly, she’s panicking.

Getting up, again, she tries to run towards the door once more, but this time the heavy feeling is even harsher. It’s as if there is a seven-hundred-pound person on top of her, but she is determined to get out. She steps out the door, hears a thermal shot, and suddenly snaps back to her body.

Waking up, Shyan inhales, feeling the pain from the ground. Holding her side, she groans in annoyance at falling off the bed, again.

The door opens up, and Jack walks inside, rubbing her eyes.

“Shyan? You had that dream again?”

She nods, frowning while rubbing her head.

“Well, looks like you are stressed out again.” She grins, “Is it about mom?”

Shyan looks down, "Yeah." She signs.

Jack frowns, “Don’t worry, she’s going to be alright. Promise.” She smiles, “Come on, let’s get breakfast going.”

Standing up, to prepare for the day, she goes to the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face. After finishing up, Shyan enters the kitchen seeing that Jack is already cooking up some eggs. Wanting to be useful, she decides to set the table, and heat the bread.

They talked a bit, or Jack talked, Shyan just expressed with smiles, nods, and some sign language.

Just a normal day in their lives.

As Jack cleans up, Shyan walks towards her mother’s room, wanting to check on her.

Walking inside, she sees her mother typing. With a quick knock, Laena turns to look at her with a smile on her face.

“Morning.” She softly said.

Shyan smiles, "Morning," She signs while going over to a different side of the room to grab her medicine.

“Thank you, Shy.”

Shyan nods, placing down the meds, and getting some water. Her mother sighs softly, almost sadly, and it makes Shyan look at her weird.

“I hate that I am a burden.”

Shyan gasps, shaking her head frequently and grabbing her hand.

Laena smiles, “Thank you, Shy.” She squeezes her hand, “Your help is always appreciated.”

“Hey what am I? Chop liver.” Jack grins, holding breakfast.

Laena giggles, “I appreciate your help as well, Jack.” She takes the breakfast and slowly eats.

After leaving her mother to her eating, Shyan and Jack enters Shyan’s room. As Jack starts stretching, Shyan takes out her headphones and the rest of her audio equipment to test out a few tunes.

"So, the music you were working on last night. Have you finished so I can create a dance for it?" Jack tilts her head slightly.

Shyan signs, "No." 

Pulling out her computer sphere, she activates it, and a transparent screen appears showing her digital audio workstation or DAW. Without pause, she starts playing a few sounds. Jack bobs her head slightly, trying to get into the grove of the music before moving her hips side to side.

"I like this beat, add something else?"

Shyan smiles hitting another button and enjoying the music as well. 

They do this often, play music while Jack dances. Shyan wouldn’t dance in front of anyone, but she can somewhat dance. Although, not as good as Jack, but it's okay, she much prefers to create music anyway. 

Ever since she was young, music is her passion something about sound always brought her joy.

Her old therapist would say it’s because she's able to express herself fully through it. Her dad would say it’s because she loves to one-up him when it comes to making music while her mother would say it’s because music is the heart of everything.

Honestly, it’s all of the above, and more.

"Oh shit, you got a gig tonight, right?"

Shyan nods, changing the beat to a more energetic one.

"Yes! Keep it going bitch!" 

Jack starts to dance wild and Shyan rolls her eyes at the language. If her mother heard her, Jack would instantly apologize.

Her gig tonight will be the biggest one, and she's nervous. Thankfully, Jack will be there supporting her through it all. 

Maybe even Miranda will come by as she promised, but there is a good chance she has a big test to study for, so, Shyan doesn't get her hopes up. Nothing wrong with Miranda needing to study for a big test. After all, she is going to become a scientist one day, and Shyan is proud of her.

Jack and Shyan are not going to college, because it’s too expensive to go to art school. Plus, she can work on her music without having to put herself in debt. As for Jack, well, she can work on her dancing and see where that leads her.

They have things planned out, and honestly, college doesn't equal a great life full of money and stability-

Shyan stops the music and gasps causing Jack to look at her raising her eyebrows.

"What?"

She stands up and pulls up her omni-tool, showing Jack the rent this month.

"Oh fuck!"

Quickly, she pulls up her account to see how much she has while Jack starts calling someone, most likely their landlord.

_Great, that’s definitely not enough._

"How much!?" Jack glares, "Come the fuck on, are you serious!? We can't pay that!"

Shyan frowns, looking at the amount her gig is going to pay her if everything goes well. 

With a sigh, Jack looks at her with a frown on her face and shows her two fingers. 

Her eyes grew wide as she begins to panic.

“We don't have that right now! At least not until I get paid!” She signs in a hurry, expressing her annoyance as Jack groans. 

"Give us one more week and we will have the money...yes...thanks," She ends the omni-call. "Fucking little shit volus." she rolls her eyes, turning to Shyan. "So, we have one week to pay off two thousand plus credits and some interest since we're late...again."

“Then I definitely don't have enough.” She signs, and Jack nods.

"Okay, I'm going to see if I can get more hours at my job since I get paid this week." She sighs, "In the meantime, you need to get everything ready for tonight! Going to need that gig money if we want to stay in this shithole." She grumbles and walks away.

Shyan sits there looking at where Jack was and begins to think of how the hell is she going to do great tonight if she's already freaking out. Then there is her mother, and not wanting her to know about what is happening. If she learns they are struggling, her mother will drown in guilt, and she doesn’t want that.

Turning back to her holoscreen, she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. 

_So. Much. Pressure. But it's okay! I got this! Just do the breathing exercises I was taught. In and out._

Opening her eyes, she begins to tidy up her song with determination. As the music flow through her, all she can think about is how afraid and excited she feels at her upcoming gig.

***

Sitting backstage, she does her breathing exercises as Jack flirts with the security guard who is also flirting back. 

Under her helmet, so no one can see who she really is, Shyan panics while trying to chill. 

"Want a hit?" She turns to see a krogan holding some a joint.

She shakes her head no since she didn't want to share a joint with a stranger. If it was Jack she was getting high with, that would be a different story, not some random ass krogan. Plus, she doesn't like to smoke, she prefers edibles. 

"What?" He tilts his head.

She wants to punch him now because, how hard can it be to understand she doesn’t want it? With a groan, she motions him again.

"Are you stupid or something?" He is getting upset, and she glares at him under her helmet.

It isn't until he starts to pull at her helmet she screams. 

Because of her condition, her scream sounds off. Even when she laughs, it sounds off. The consent bullying she would get because of this different thing in high school was painful to deal with, but she survived. Although sometimes, it can be rough. 

Jack turns around with an angry face and Shyan uses her biotics on the krogan, causing him to fly back on the chair.

She wants to scream and yell at him as a normal person would. Tell him all the words in her head.

But she can't.

At least not in the way he could understand, although to be honest, it doesn't look like he would care if she could.

"You fucking bitch!" He shouts, about to put his hands on her. 

Until he flies across the room after Jack uses her biotics on him.

"What the fuck?"

Jack throws him again, "if you think you can put your hands on her. Think again you fuck! " Then throws him again. 

"Hey! Stop!" The guard shouts, "If you use your biotics again. I will have to kick you out." He glares, flirting no longer on his mind.

Jack glares back, "this fucking piece of shit tried to put his hands on my friend!"

"My father owns this club!" He shouts, looking at Shyan, "which means you can get the fuck out! I don't want you playing here ever again!"

Shyan glares behind her helmet and makes her way out of the room. Jack follows and shows him the finger. 

"Hey, we still on for tomorrow?" The guard asks before she leaves. 

She rolls her eyes, "piss off."

As they walk home, Shyan sighs, looking down while thinking of what happened. With the gig gone, it makes it harder to make money and keep a roof above their heads.

“Hey, come on don’t worry. I’m sure we can get through this.” Jack crosses her arms, “Maybe, I can threaten the landlord.”

Shyan’s eyes grew wide, and she shakes her head.

Jack laughs, “Would you relax.” She grins, “I won’t do that,” She winks, "yet."

Shyan rolls her eyes and looks forward. It's nighttime right now as they walk by a few food shops selling nice-looking food.

Seeing an ice cream place, she smiles, but then stops, thinking about their money situation. They don’t have the luxury to eat something like ice cream right now.

“Oh sweet.” Jack tilts her head, “Want some ice cream? Looks like it’s not closing until twelve.”

Shyan shakes her head, showing her the rent.

“We can’t.” She signs.

“Oh please. Buying two ice cream cones isn’t going to kill us.” Grabbing her hand, she begins to pull her towards the store.

Once inside, Jack orders for them as Shyan sits in a booth, looking outside. She starts to count the cars flying by, and how beautiful they look at night. It’s not long before she is tapping against the glass, creating a beat as she bops her head to it. A smile appears on her face as she continues, and soon enough she is tapping the table to get a different sound effect.

A turian passes by with blue markings on his face, and she stops, tilting her head in confusion because it feels like she knows him. Jack drops onto the seat, causing her to look away for a moment, but when she looks back, he was gone. There is an itching feeling she knows him, but it doesn’t last long when her favorite ice cream is in her face.

Butter Pecan.

She claps for a moment and dives in.

Jack chuckles, “Of course you would react like that.”

Shyan smiles, and continues to eat, sighing at the sweetness. It starts to remind her of the days she and her father would relax together after a long day, and eat ice cream while her mother is doing something else. Her mother would then scold her father for making her eat sweet so late at night, and he would laugh loud grinning from ear to ear about having her enjoy her childhood.

Time really has changed.

“So, we can’t tell mom about what happened tonight,” Jack said, leaning back and biting into her ice cream. Realizing her mistake, Jack groans.

Shyan sighs, and then nods with sadness.

“We should just work extra hours, and then look for another place where you can play.” Jack hums, playing with her fingers, “Maybe that place downtown?”

She tilts her head.

“Don’t you know? It’s by Ruby Street.”

Shyan thinks, and gasps in realization. Biting her lips, she shakes her head thinking of that street, remembering that it’s close to-

There is a burning sensation at her side, and she could feel herself struggling to breathe.

“Shy?” Jack looks at her concern before nodding, “okay. Let’s think of somewhere else.”

Jack grabs her hands.

“I’m sorry for causing you to relive that.”

Shyan shakes her head, “It’s not your fault.” She signs and goes back to enjoying her ice cream.

She survived! There is no reason to let it consume her life.

_Just think positive._

***

“Excuse me.”

Shyan stands up and turns around to look at an asari, holding her daughter’s hand. She crosses her arms and taps her feet.

“My daughter here is looking for a game called ‘Please Mary.’”

_Why would anyone want to buy their young child Please Mary? That game is graphic…does she not know what’s in it._

Shyan’s eyes look down at the girl who is giving her pleading eyes. She knows what’s it like to want to play a graphic game, but judging from this woman’s tone of voice, that is not going to happen.

Going for her omni-tool, she starts to type.

“Excuse me. How rude!” She gasps, and Shyan looks at her in surprise, “Don’t go on your omni-tool in front of me!”

She slaps Shyan’s arm, and Shyan gasps at the sting.

“You humans are so rude!”

As she continues to rant at her, Shyan wanted to punch her in the face and hide from the embarrassment of people looking over at them. There is a slight fear as more and more eyes look over at them, and she thinks about running.

Shyan raises her hands to calm the woman.

“Don’t you dear raise your hand at me! Where is your manager!?” She starts to shout even louder, and the loud piercing sound, no, the screech of her voice is hurting Shyan’s ears.

“Ma’am.”

They turn to see Shyan’s salarian manager looking at the woman in annoyance.

“What are you doing to my employee?”

The asari glares, “This human.” She spat, “Was using her omni-tool in front of me. It’s extremely disrespectful, and I want her fired.”

He sighs, “Ma’am, she is mute. She needs to use her omni-tool to communicate with other people.”

“Don’t you lie to me! She is not mute; she is just rude and stupid.” She glares at Shyan.

_I hate people like you. I can’t talk you fucking bitch!_

Stress from losing her gig, the rent, that fucking night. It’s annoying to deal with someone like this asari, again, but what can she do? Not work!?

He rolls his eyes, “I’m going to ask you to leave, Ma’am.”

“What? I need to leave?”

She gasps, looking back and forth between Shyan and her manager.

“Fine!” She growls, “Just know this place _will_ have a bad rating!” She storms off with her daughter.

_Poor kid, she’s going to have it rough._

“I’m sorry, Shyan, are you okay?”

She nods.

He sighs, “Would it kill you to say at least one word?”

_What?_

“I mean how hard is it to say ‘no’?” He frowns.

_Are you serious right now? Like is he really…serious right now?_

He studies her face, and nods, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to offend. Just head a little more in the back so you don’t confuse more customers.”

He walks away, and she stands there in shock. She is just doing her job, and this is what happens?

With a huff, she walks deeper into the store, hiding the sadness behind her eyes, and wiping a few tears that trickled down her eyes.

_A burden…that’s all I am._

After work, Shyan is quietly walking the street back home. It’s late at night, seeing how she had to work extra hours for higher pay. Today was horrible and a disaster.

_I wish things were easier. I wish I can have a job without dealing with people like that asari. I wish I can play my music! I wish I could talk, so I can curse the ever-living shit out of people!_

She growls, ready to lose herself to her anger until there is a small tap on her forehead, and she looks up, just in time to have rain pour in her face. In a matter of minutes, she is soaked to the bone, and wet from the rain. Usually, at this point, a person would start crying, feeling as if their day was horrible enough that it rains.

But, not Shyan.

Instead, she smiles, happy at feeling the cold rain hit her body. It’s great to end such a horrible day like this because it feels great.

It feels amazing.

It feels alive.

The rain is music to her ears as it falls to the ground hitting every surface it can. She wishes she were by her window just to hear the tapping of the rain. Creating the music and beat that fills her soul.

With revitalize energy, she starts to run, hop, skip, and dance in the rain. There were very few people around, and it was dark enough that she doesn’t feel afraid to just live! To feel free and listen to the music of the rain.

Reaching a playground, she starts to create a beat to match with the rain. It’s not something that could play to anyone, but as long as she loves it, it’s okay. She does a mini spin around, bringing one of her legs into the air, and twirling around with a big grin on her face. She could hear her father cheer on from the crowd, and her mother telling her to keep going.

She hates the spotlight, but when there is music, and she closes her eyes, she’s alive.

Hitting the slide with a bump, bump, bump.

Kicking her legs for a swish, swish, swish.

She does a spin, and screams, letting all of her frustrations out into the rain. Opening her eyes, she looks into the sky, staring into the moon with a big smile on her face. She could feel it in her body.

_Everything is going to be okay._

_Just believe in yourself._

_You are not a burden._

Slowly, her head tilts down, and she stops dead in her track.

Staring at her is a tall turian who is looking at her in shock.

Fear crept up in her body because he just saw her dance like a damn manic in the rain. She knows this because his expression, which is funny by the way, told her so.

With a squeal, she runs away.

“Hey!”

She hears him call out, but she’s already zooming away, and she is not going to stop.

Once home, she takes off her clothes and heads into the shower to wash the rain off while warming up her body. As she washes her hair, the door opens up, and she sees her mother go towards the toilet.

“I was wondering where you were, Shy.” She smiles, “I was a little worried.”

She giggles, “Don’t worry, mom. I’m fine.” She signs and shrugs her shoulder.

“You must have been dancing in the rain again, huh?” She laughs at Shyan’s face, “Your father would have loved to join you.”

She nods, missing her father and his goofy laugh.

After her shower, she’s in her room, playing with a bit of sound. Just mixing and mashing, seeing which fits and which doesn’t. Her mother stands by the door, slowly bopping her head to the beat with a smile on her face.

It’s a bit weird, but she loves that her mother supports her.

“This is a nice beat.” She giggles, “Hip-hop?”

Shyan nods, and then adds another beat to it, looking at her mother, waiting to see if she can guess which genre this is from.

Laena hums, “Sounds like.” She shakes her head, “I don’t know.”

Shyan giggles, not really minding that she doesn’t know.

“But it sounds great, baby.”

Shyan smiles sadly, as the emotions start to play in her music. Closing her eyes, she slows down the beat and adds a rain sound to it.

“You’re sad about something. Maybe it’s because of today?” Laena hums, “Maybe it’s because of my sickness.”

Shyan frowns.

“Or it could be because of the rent that needs to be paid by this week.”

She gasps, looking at her in shock.

“You’re not supposed to know that!” She quickly signs.

Laena smiles, “it's okay, Shy. I understand why you didn’t want to tell me, but I don’t want you to take all this stress on by yourself.” She crosses her arms, “You and Jack are special to me, and I want you both to live life to the fullest.”

Shyan blinks at her mother, not knowing what to do at this moment.

_Do you still feel like a burden, mom?_

“I want to work again.”

Shyan shakes her hand, “Mom, no.” Glaring at her mother.

She giggles, “You can’t tell me what to do. Your nineteen almost twenty, but I'm still your mother."

Shyan sighs, looking down and feeling defeated. Until her mother grabs her chin.

"Honestly, it’s boring staying home all the time.” She smiles, “Maybe, I can get a job at one of those diners, or maybe a popular restaurant? Either way, you two are not going to be the only ones making money here.” 

Shyan sighs, she knew this would happen if her mother found out about their money situation.

“You can’t stop me.” She touches her shoulder, “it's okay, Shy. I’ll make sure any employer knows of my situation before they hire me.”

She looks at her mom for a moment, before nodding in understanding. She wants her mom to stay home and rest because of her condition, but she’s not going to hold her back, and they do need the extra money.

“So, it’s settled!” Laena claps, “I will start looking for work to help pay the bills.”

“I hate that you are right about needing help with the bills.” She signs, “So, I won’t stop you.”

Her mother laughs and begins to leave the room before stopping.

“Shy.”

Shyan tilts her head.

“Keep working on your music. There are no lyrics, but I can hear every word.” She smiles.

Shyan, almost cries at her mother’s words, feeling the sadness from earlier completely lift away. If there is anything in the world that she really wants, is for people to understand her even if she can’t talk. Hear what she is saying in her songs without lyrics.

“And it’s beautiful.”

Her mother leaves after that, and she sniffs, working more on her music, mixing and cutting sounds. The rain outside hits her windows and she feels alive.

Until she sneezes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I love the name Laena.


	3. Rest In Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just don’t care. What happened is you sold us out, and they are all dead because of you

“Name?”

“Garrus Vakarian.”

“Date of birth?”

“December 12, 2572.”

His turian female patrol officer tilts her head.

“Your birthday is coming up in four months. Are you going to spend it with anyone?” She crosses her hands on her desk, looking at him.

He stares at her for a moment because that’s a heated question. Spending time with anyone isn’t exactly what he can do. His parents have completely cut themselves out of his life, his sister isn’t going to like talking to him, and the only peoples he has spent birthdays with are either dead or in prison.

So, no, he doesn’t have anyone to spend time with.

“No,” he states.

She nods, “Well, Mr. Vakarian. I have few things to go over with you, and after you can make your way towards the resident you will be staying at for a year.” She takes a small drink of her water and coughs.

He waits as she looks over her documents on her computer. There is a bird that flies by the window, and he stares at it for a while, wondering about his family.

"First things first, says here on your record that the parole is only for three years to balance out the rest of your sentence, which was eight years and not the five you actually served."

"That's correct." He shifts in his seat.

“So, here are the rules.” She drinks again, “You have a curfew that needs to be maintained. This curfew is ten o’clock at night. If you are late, you will be fined.”

She drinks again, and Garrus rolls his eyes.

“If you break this rule three times, you will be sentenced to prison for a year.”

_A year? Really? Just because I’m a little late._

“What happens once I get my own place?”

She drinks, “I will call, or drop by unexpectedly during the times you need to be there just to make sure you are home but do not worry, this rule is only for the first year of your parole.”

He nods, “okay.”

She drinks again, and he’s starting to get annoyed by it.

“Next rule, no drugs. Alcohol must be to the minimum. If you are caught drunk, we will fined you and-”

“Three strikes and I’m out. Got it.” He shifts, “What kind of drugs can I not do?”

She narrows her eyes, “I suggest all drugs, Mr. Vakarian.”

“Alright.”

She stares at him, and he shifts in his seat. He wasn’t a drug user, but he does enjoy a joint from time to time.

“Tell you what.”

He sits up straight.

“Legal drugs, and _only_ legal drugs, are usually allowed after the first year. As long as you show that you are responsible." She gives him a hard stare, and he feels a little uncomfortable. "So, Mr.Vakarian, I suggest you better not fuck this up.”

He nods, "Okay, got it."

Her mandible twitches and she goes back to looking over his documents. There is a moment of wanting to just…leave, but he stays because he didn’t want to piss her off.

“Next rule. You’re going to need to attend recovery meetings.”

Garrus clutches his jaw tightly. It’s not like he’s been a drug addict or alcoholic. Why the hell does he need to go?

“Judging from your face, you are not very happy about that.”

“No.”

“Why?”

He sighs, “Because never in my life I’ve been a drug addict. I use legal drugs for recreational use, but other than that, I’m no druggy. Then there is alcoholism, I’m not an alcoholic.”

“It’s per the guidelines, Mr. Vakarian.” She narrows her eyes.

Garrus swallows, looking down. Going to these meetings is going to be stupid, and just a waste of time. The time he could use to work or something.

“Fine.”

She opens her mouth.

“Yes, I understand. If I miss the meeting I will be fined, and if I miss three, I will go to prison for a ridiculous amount of time.” He rolls his eyes, crossing his arms.

“Careful, Vakarian. I’m being nice here. Get anymore snappy and I will revoke your privilege.”

“Sorry, Ma’am.”

She chuckles, “That’s right.”

Garrus fought to stop himself from rolling his eyes in front of her. The fact she really thinks she has power over him in that way is disgusting, and he should bring this up to someone. Just because she’s in a position of power shouldn’t be abused in that way.

His father would be angry.

“Next is employment.”

She drinks and Garrus is very close to just throwing it out the window.

“You’re going to need employment. By the end of this month, you should have a job. If not, you will be fined.”

He’s really starting to hate the word ‘fined’.

“How long do I have to get a job?”

“I just told you.” She glares.

He sighs, “What I mean is if I don’t have a job by the end of this month. What happens, besides getting fined? Do I go to jail?”

She leans back, “You will need money to pay for that resident house you will be living in. So, if you can’t afford rent, you will be kicked out, which means you can’t keep curfew.”

He groans, rubbing his fringe.

“I’m guessing you see where this is going.”

“Yes.” He grumbles, leaning back against the chair in anger.

Of course, this is how his life is going to be from now on. Of fucking course! The worse part to having a criminal record is finding a fucking job that would accept someone like him. Even if he even shows that he has high work ethics. The employer could still say no, just because he has a fucking criminal record.

“Please tell me there is a program in place for me to find a job.”

She nods, “Of course! We can’t just throw you out in the world without some help.” She forwards him a few listings in his omni-tool. “Those will be the jobs you can look into. If you find a different job to your liking. I will need the data from your boss.”

He nods, “These are for sure going to give me a job even with my criminal record?”

She shrugs, “That is up to the employers.”

“Are you serious? These jobs aren’t a sure thing? Then what’s the point in even giving me these listings.”

She glares, “Mr. Vakarian, I am trying to help you here. I didn’t put you in prison, you put yourself there with the actions and choices you decided to take.”

He stands up, and she narrows her eyes, ready to attack.

“Fine.” He turns around, “I’ll start looking as soon as possible.”

“Remember to head towards your residence on time!”

He sighs, walking out. As he walks the door behind him opens.

“You cannot leave this area or planet until further notice! You are forbidden!” She yells out.

He waves at her in understanding and kept going. A part of him thinks she’s going to tackle him and pretty much send his turian ass to prison for not waiting for her to finish.

But she didn’t.

He walks outside and sighs in annoyance. Checking the time on his omni-tool, he notices that he has time to spare, and starts to walk. He starts to think about Sidonis, and how John said to let it go. There is still anger, but he did say he wouldn’t do it, and he doesn’t feel like going back to prison anyway.

Getting off the bus, Garrus looks around his own neighborhood and found himself walking around silently as people live their lives around him. This neighborhood is full of all kinds of species in the world. The most around are human, turian, and asari though.

It didn’t take him long to make it to their own hideout and seeing that the place was still…around. There is a pain in his heart as he walks inside, seeing the abandoned building, and broken items around. It’s been five years, and so much has changed, yet so little as well.

He starts to remember all the memories he built with them, and it breaks him a little inside. Then he starts to remember Sidonis and all he wants is to kill him for what he did. Kill him for killing his family!

_“Whatever you are thinking, don’t do it.”_

Garrus sighs, calming down his anger, and taking John’s words to heart.

_“Find yourself some damn peace, and let bygones be bygones.”_

There is a sound, and Garrus turns around to see a young turian walking inside. He stares at him for a moment, until the young turian stops moving and look at him. The turian looks scared for a moment, before gasping.

“You’re Archangel!”

Garrus coughs, “Not anymore, kid.”

He groans, “Awe, come on.”

He rushes over to Garrus and starts to walk around in a circle, eyeing him up and down with shock and awe.

“Man, I can’t believe that I’m seeing you again!” He chuckles, “You don’t remember me, but you saved me that one day when I was a few years younger, and ever since then you’ve been my hero.”

Garrus chuckles, “That’s nice, but don’t look up to me. As you can see my choices in life put me in a pretty shitty position.”

He shrugs, “What you did for the community will never go away.”

He starts to talk on and on about the things Garrus did, but Garrus didn’t like hearing about them because he could never be able to do it without his friends…his family. It also didn’t feel right how much this kid seems to idolize him. If there is one thing, he hopes to not see is this kid following in his footsteps.

“Man! Are you going to start up again? Can I be your second in command this time?”

Garrus narrows his eyes, “No.”

The last second in command he had was Sidonis.

“Stop thinking of bringing whatever back because you can’t. There is no reason to go into the life of crime trying to make a difference.”

He crosses his arms and can see the anger in the kid’s eyes.

“It’s not worth it.” He sighs, “Plus, there are other ways you can help the community.”

He turns around and starts to point at a different area, feeling a bit of hope.

“You can change a few things here, make it into a community garden or something. Anything to help the people around in a positive light.” His mandibles twitch in happiness at seeing his old base become something more than a broken abandoned building.

At least it would make people happy and bring a positive change.

_I sound like John now, wonder if he would be proud?_

“That’s some pussy shit.” He glares, “You changed. Did prison do you that hard that you’re coming here talking about ‘community garden’ and shit.”

Garrus rolls his eyes because clearly, the kid is trying to seem like a ‘big boy’, but he’s just a kid who doesn’t know what the real world is like.

“You don’t want that life, kid. Trust me.”

“Trust you? Clearly, you’ve been fucked too damn hard in the ass and became a pus-”

Garrus swings to punch him in the face, but stops mid-punch, he didn’t want to hurt the kid, just scare him a little.

“Don’t talk to me like that.”

“O-okay.”

Garrus stands up straight, and walks over to a corner, seeing an old object from one of his late friends. He used to be like this kid. Overexcited, wanting to do good, and trying to get rid of the ‘bad guys’ by shooting and causing trouble.

What did that get him?

Prison time, and his entire friend group…dead.

“It’s not worth it. I hope you see my story and not want to be like me.” He looks at the kid, “I know this sounds corny, or ‘played out’, but seriously, stay in school, and try to figure out positive ways to help out.”

He sighs, taking a sit. It’s not like he gave up on school. He graduated top of his class, went into the military, and served his time. It’s after his mandatory military service on Palaven everything changed.

“Hey, kid.”

He crosses his arms, “Yes?”

“I’m looking for someone.”

“If you are looking for Sidonis, he ain’t here anymore. If I ever saw him, I would kill his ass.” He shows a finger gun and shoots it.

Garrus shakes his head, “Do you have any idea where he could be?”

“No, but I know of someone who might.”

“That would be?”

“Vik'nla.”

Garrus raises his brow plates, “Vik'nla?”

“Yup.” He chuckles, “I’ve seen her a few times. Damn her body is so hot. How the hell can a pussy like Sidonis get that beauty?”

Garrus stands up, “Do you know where she is?”

“Right now? No, but I think you can find Bianca, and she could tell you.” He nods.

Garrus chuckles, “Bianca? Damn, she still around?”

“Hell, yeah she is.” He laughs, “She even has a hurian kid.”

“Does she now?” He wonders to himself.

Garrus walks past the kid, his mind on Bianca and how she’s doing. He wonders how the kid is doing, hoping he’s not upset with his father not being around.

It didn’t take long to get to Bianca’s apartment door, seeing how she’s still living at the same place. There is loud Latin music coming from her place, and he chuckles, glad she hasn’t changed a bit. He knocks and waits for her to open the door. For a moment, he thought that maybe it wouldn’t work because of the music, but then the door opens up, and Bianca is standing there looking pissed.

“Who the-Garrus?” She gasps, hugging him tightly.

“Hey, Bianca.” He said.

She grins, “I can’t believe you’re out. How long?” She asks as she starts speaking Spanish.

She drags him inside, and he chuckles, seeing the baby toys around. Bianca is wearing her short shorts and a tank top. He never noticed how good-looking she is. Clearly, because she was taken, and even now he’s not going to get that close.

“Been out for a day or two.” He responds in Spanish.

No need for an omni-tool when he knows the language. It was hard when he was learning, and it was hard keeping the knowledge when the people around him didn't speak it, but he's glad to be able to keep up with her after five years.

She giggles, “Damn, you look good Garrus. All big and shit.”

Her hand lightly touches his arms, and he chuckles.

“Thanks, I didn’t think so, but five years is a long time.”

She frowns, “yeah. I know.”

He nods, looking around, “How are things for you…after his death and all?”

She sighs, “I miss him every day, but he’s not coming back, and I’ve been moving on.”

“That’s good.” He nods, and their eyes met.

There is small tapping, and Garrus looks over to see a little hurian girl, rushing towards Bianca with a smile on her face. Garrus chuckles, looking at her.

“Is that?”

“Yup. I was so surprised to be pregnant. The day I was going to tell him…” She sighs, holding her daughter close, “She’s my little angel.”

Garrus sighs, “I’m sorry about everything.”

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault, Garrus.” She smiles, “So, what are you doing here? I’m sure you want something. If it’s sex, that can’t happen. You’re his friend, and as good-looking as you are.”

She bites her lips looking him up and down.

“I can’t.”

Garrus laughs, “Nah, I wouldn’t do that to my friend, even if he’s gone. Although, I am here to talk to you about someone.”

The hurian pulls away from Bianca and runs off.

Bianca smiles, “Her name is Araceli.” She leans back, “So, you’re looking for someone, but who?”

“Vik'nla.”

She narrows her eyes, “Don’t you be doing something stupid, Garrus.” She crosses her arms. “It’s not worth it! Ace wouldn’t want that for you.”

He sighs, “I’m not Bianca.” He rubs his fringe, “I just want to talk to Sidonis.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

She glares, “Don’t you fucking lie to me Garrus.”

“I’m not lying.”

Bianca stares at him for a moment, before sighing with a nod. She stands up and switches to speaking English, another human language he learned after leaving Palaven. Before the death of his team, he was learning one of the languages Batarians speak, but that didn't fall through.

He remembers when his friends would ask why? Since he has an omni-tool, there is no reason to learn other languages, and honestly, that's a good reason not to, but for him, learning a new language is a challenge that is fun. He was always good at picking up different turian languages, so why not other races?

“Okay, but you better not harass her. There have been fuckers going after her for Sidonis.” Her accent is thick as she rolls her eyes, “You don’t know how bad people wanted him gone. You were a legend here, Garrus. A goddamn icon.”

“I didn’t know, but I had a feeling.”

She pulls up her omni-tool, “She works here.” She points, “She’s a stripper, and you’re lucky because she’s working early today.”

"You know this, how?"

She sighs, "It's rough out here and I would do anything to keep my daughter safe and fed."

He nods and takes a look at the time, 6 pm. That means he has four more hours before curfew.

“Okay, thank you, Bianca.”

She hums, but before she could say anything, Araceli runs out, and hides under her leg, looking at Garrus with wide eyes.

“Araceli, say hello to Garrus, he’s daddy and mommy’s friend.” She smiles speaking Spanish.

Araceli blinks at him, “hola.” She said.

He bends down, “Hola.” He places his hand on her little fringe, seeing the resemblance between her and Ace.

After he visits with Bianca and talking to Araceli a bit, he makes his way to the strip club. Walking inside, he scans the area for Vik'nla, when he saw her talking to someone at the bar. Noticing the place is a bit dead, he makes his way over to her, feeling confident they won’t be interrupted.

“And then I said, fuck off.” Her asari friend rolls her eyes, “That asshole thinks I’m some damn prostitute. I’m a stripper, not a sex worker.”

She stops talking and looks at Garrus, eyeing him up and down, she smiles.

“Hi there.”

Vik'nla turns around to look at him, and gasps.

“Garrus? What…what are you doing here?”

He puts his hand up, “Look, I just want to talk to you. Please.”

She glares, “If you are here to see him, I don’t know where he is.”

“Yes, you do.”

She glares, “Are you serious? You don’t want me to call security because you will go back to prison where you belong.”

Garrus stares at her intensely. There is an urge to just…try to force the answer out like he used to do back then. A small punch here, and talon on the skin here, but he’s not like that anymore. Nor does he want to be.

“I just want to talk to him. It’s the least I deserve after what he did.”

“He didn’t do anything.”

He narrows his eyes, “Don’t you dare tell me he didn’t do anything. He is the reason why they are all dead. He is the reason-”

He cuts himself off and turns away from her. There is that anger again, and he can’t help but want to punch something, anything.

_“I know it hurts, but you need to let it go, and move on.”_

“I just.” He turns to look at her, “I just want to talk to him.” His voice cracked, and he could see that she heard it.

She stares into his eyes, and she sighs softly, standing up.

“Hey, Mini, think you can watch out for me?”

Mini nods, “Sure.”

“Thanks.” She looks at Garrus, “Come on.”

As they drove in her car, Garrus looks at the time, eight at night. It’s getting close, but he could make it, as long as he’s not sidetracked.

“Do you mean it?” She asks. “You just want to talk to him?”

“Yeah.” He quickly answers, looking at her, “That’s it. I swear. You know me, Vik'nla. You know I wouldn’t lie.”

She looks at him again and decides to stay quiet.

When they arrived at the place, she was still a bit hesitant but kept walking. One thing for sure, Sidonis really moved far away from it all. No one would ever catch him here.

Vik'nla opens the door, and Garrus walks in behind her.

“Hey, babe, I didn’t expect you so early-” He stops, seeing Garrus.

It wasn’t long before he backs up in fear, but Garrus stands still not looking to chase after him. There is no point, after all, he just wants to talk.

“Honey, Garrus just wants to talk.”

Sidonis swallows, “R-really?”

“Yes.”

A few minutes go by, and Garrus is sitting down, staring at Sidonis who is sitting in another chair next to him with Vik'nla pretty much supervising to make sure Garrus keeps his word.

“What…what do you want to talk about?”

“I just want to know, why?”

Sidonis looks down, “I…they captured me, and…I couldn’t fight back. I was scared I was going to die, and they gave me a choice.”

“And so, you sold us out, and caused the death of everyone.”

“I didn’t want to, Garrus.” He shakes his head in shame, “I just wanted…to live…I know I was a coward.”

He starts whimpering, going on and on about wanting to take it all back. That he sees them in his sleep, if he could get any, and-

“I don’t care.”

Sidonis stops talking and looks at him with sadness.

“I don’t care how much you want are saying sorry. I don’t care how much you are suffering, or how much you wish you could have taken it back.”

Garrus stands up and Vik'nla is quickly ready to step between them.

“I just don’t care. What happened is you sold us out.” He points at Sidonis, “and they are all dead because of you.”

Sidonis opens his mouth to speak, but Garrus cuts him off.

“I went to prison, and I survived. I learned some things from two old humans that it’s just not worth being angry at you. It’s not worth seeking revenge.” He sighs, “I just wanted to talk. I wanted to say my peace.”

As he begins his walk out the door, he turns to Sidonis and Vik'nla.

“I don’t forgive you, and I will never forget what you’ve done.”

He leaves, and as he walks away, he looks at the time.

8:30 pm.

***

Araceli places a flower on her father’s grave, and Bianca prays over it. Garrus continues to look around the gravesite, spotting every single one of his friends…his family. They were spread out, but it’s okay, he could see where each one lies.

“Thanks for coming, Garrus.” Bianca smiles, speaking in Spanish.

Araceli runs up to Garrus, hugging his leg.

“Thank you.” She whispers.

He chuckles, “You’re welcome.”

“What now?”

“I have to get to my residents. Find myself a job, live my life until I’m old, and then take myself out.” He chuckles.

Bianca glares, “Garrus, don’t talk like that.” She starts to reprimand him, and he chuckles.

“Relax, Bianca. I’m only joking. I don’t think like that anymore.”

“Good, because that’s fucking loco.”

He chuckles, looking at the time.

9 pm.

“Shit, I need to get going.”

She nods, “Thanks again. I’m sure they are happy to have you around, visiting their graves and all.”

He nods, “Yeah.”

He starts to leave, but stops, turning back to Bianca who is going back to praying.

“When I get some money going. I’ll help you and Araceli out.”

She giggles, “You trying to win my heart, Garrus?”

He laughs, “No, I just want to help.”

“I could use the help.” She smiles, rubbing Araceli’s hair. “Although I wouldn’t be surprised if you want to win my heart.” She grins.

“I’m not into humans, remember?” He walks backward.

“You say that now, but the future tells me you will.” She grins at him. “Be careful, Garrus. You might find yourself falling for a human.”

“Is that one of my fortunes?”

She winks, “Maybe. Let’s do a reading one day, and I will tell you.”

He shakes his head, “Be safe, Bianca.”

“You too, Garrus.”

He leaves after and feels a lot better after today. It’s not the greatest of days, but he feels free from the burden of his team. He looks at the time again.

9:25pm

“Damn it.”

Quickly, he starts to race, needing to get on a bus to reach his residence. During his run, rain starts to pour, and he curses with annoyance. He hates the rain, because it’s just depressing, and it reminds him of the pain from that day. There was a time he would enjoy it, but he just can’t anymore.

It wasn’t long before he hears, music? Sound? An odd beat?

Turning around, he starts to see some brown-skinned human woman dancing in the rain, creating music in the playground she’s in. He could tell she’s having a great time doing so, as she twirls around in a circle, and brings one of her legs up.

She could dance.

Her hair is long and curly, and wet from the rain, causing it to stick to her body as she continues to dance wild. The music she is creating fits with the rain, and he finds himself just…watching. There are no words, but he could hear the frustration in the song and the playfulness of it. It sounds like it shouldn’t work, yet it does.

She suddenly makes a weird strangled sound, and Garrus wonders if she's okay before she brings her head down, spotting him. In an instant, her eyes popped out in fear and embarrassment, and Garrus sort of wanted to laugh because of her reaction.

There something in him that tells him he’s seen those eyes before. Red, and brown. Two different eye colors and he wonders if it’s from genetics or just something she did to look cool.

She squeals, and runs so fast, he couldn’t believe it. Blinking away his shock at trying to remember those eyes, he calls out to her.

“Hey!”

But she doesn’t stop, and he stands there in the rain, just wondering.

With a sigh, he looks at the time.

10:01pm

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the whole speaking a different language isn't too jarring. I won't write full sentences in a different language or anything, just know my characters will be speaking either through omni-tool or just by learning and knowing the language. (In Shyan's case in sign language).


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